Yesterday’s anger did eventually turn to tears. It always does and it always is sadness and mourning of the loss underlying the anger .
It is a loss you know? Divorce, endings…even if you are the one that made the call. It is a REAL thing….it is a REAL process….and it can be longer than you first expected.
For me I came out of the gates sort of relieved and sort of excited for it had been a long time in the coming. It was twenty years of marriage and ties to one primary relationship. I was determined to triumph and bloom and I have but lets just be real for a moment. Lets be real for real people reading. It is:
Life. Death. Burst. Bloom. Whither. Grow. Trip. Fall. Stumble. Stand. Walk. Run. Fall. Crawl. Life. Death. Humility. Awareness. Doubt. Grief. Pride. Escape. Face. Die. Birth
To be honest I am not exactly sure if it ends. It is life…no? It is the entire cycle of life intensly magnified and presented over the course of a couple years. Yes….that is it. IT is all of the cycles we gradually move in and out of all slammed intensly at once AND presented over and over on a repeat cycle as if to say “SEE….SEE…SEE these are the cycles of life…..once you get it maybe you can go on”. Today’s theory anyways…..
At least yesterdays anger morphed to tears….anger I did not know was sitting inside of me and tears that were waiting to be let out. Beautiful Life.