Truth be told the idea of having the Real Things – Divorce category on this blog makes me squirm uncomfortably. This blog is about Letting Go and Being Love of my marriage ended four years ago. How can I speak of letting go and being love if I am still talking about and holding on to something that ended five years ago?
When I read back through the posts pertaining to the end of my marriage and about the father of my children, I cringe and I am uncomfortable. I had so much blame and explaining in my writing. I had so much confusion and pettiness in my writing. I often wrote with an authority and other times I wrote from pity all of the irrelevant details that seemed important at the time. How can that teach anybody anything? What is wise about sharing that? How is any of that letting go and being love?
Where I am at now seems far more powerful and relevant. Where I am at now feels like the place to teach from but that is not how it goes. That is not how I want to share. I do not want to share with you how wise and knowing I am because I am not all wise and knowing ~ NONE of us ever are. All I am really is human, living and breathing through this life and sharing authentically. HUMAN is the most beautiful thing ~ did you know that? You are too, just wonderfully human.
Life is such an incredible gift and I do not want to show up only powerful and relevant. It serves nobody to show only the fruit and flower while honestly it was so much toiling and digging in the dirt. Besides I am not an end result ~all fruit and flower, I am simply on a journey and reaching new heights while I am also acutely aware that my life will always have new lessons/toiling and digging in the dirt.
So while it makes me squirm uncomfortably and cringe about this category it will stand in place. Divorce and the ending of beautiful things is how this blog was born. I will invest sometime to sharing where I have arrived at now, and when those hard days emerge where it still lays heavy on my heart I will share that as well. I will also leave in place the yucky, pitiful embarrassing posts of blaming and anger (I will even try not to edit them to make me sound more awesome and amazing.) Sure – go ahead….click that category. Ugh
Seriously though ~ if you are in the early stages of an ending be gentle with yourself, be kind with yourself and trust that while the process can be so much longer than we expect you will emerge stronger and more FULL of love than you could ever imagine. Life DOES go on and you do Learn to love again/trust love again…. you do LET GO. Better yet you learn Forgiveness of yourself and the Other. There is so much power in that.