Fear always seemed to find its way in and it was hard to find a good balance. She seemed to swing wildly from faith to fear, from fear back again to faith.
Good men that she knew would tell her about strong men that would help her to heal by accepting her in all of her moments but she never seemed to meet them.
Those sweet but not as brave ones, she would end up hurting when she pushed them away or they went off running when she gripped too tight.
New hurt would expose the wounds more. Was that where healing would come? Was that why it never seemed to work out? Those wounds needed deeper exposure?
All the experts said “be happy, men want happy women” and while she could see how that might be true she also felt it was a sham because nobody was ever always happy.
Did she really want to attract only from her place of joy so that she would forever be trapped in a cage of hiding her darkness?
She felt sad this morning for she felt quite certain she had pushed another sweet man away. She would have to accept even THIS about herself. Self love had so many layers.