I was missing for a year or more, poking in occasionally, posting vaguely a little bit of this and that. I was busy, it was a year of action with some distraction and new heartache/heart break but it was A LOT of everything that I needed to grow/grow up/take a stance and choose to LIVE the very best life that I could.
You have to choose that you know? You can’t just bob along letting situations control you. It is tricky because you got to let go and trust, but you also have to take chances and make decisions too. The actions and decision make you vulnerable and crack you open so that you can see with new eyes. The lesson is simple ~ if you are stuck in patterns and cycles AND it is so muddy and murky that you can not see, nor move forward in the Muck, this is when you must take one new unexpected action. One action can change everything.
The key decision that changed everything is that we decided to put our kids in school. I had promised myself and them, that I would never add that change to them after moving them away from friends built over a decade in another province. Enough was enough ~ I had moved them 800km, I had made the decision to end my marriage to their father and come hell or high water I would do anything and everything I could to keep up our lifetime of homeschooling. That being said the time had come, that tiny thread I was holding onto had to be cut. That one little string was holding us all back. The decision to put all four boys in school involved shifting gears and changing everything. This change created more change and the end result of it all was them gaining independence and friendships, me creating independence and confidence in my future, us (their dad and I) shifting out of the attachments that made it difficult to move forward. See it ~ one decision plus Action.
I went extreme when the door opened for me to be creating my own independance. I starting with one part time job that moved quickly to a full time job and I also kept my part time evening contract work. I shifted from being a mom in the day at their dads house and then leaving to work evenings, landing in my own house for sleep, and then up again to them for homeschooling to an opposite scenario. While they went to school from what was the home base (dads house) I went off working from morning (8:00am) to evening (anywhere from 8pm to 10pm). In between I found time with them two nights a week and most weekends. I went from more than a decade of immersion as a mom, to a run around, and weekend mom that was usually exhausted. It was full of emotion, it felt painful but necessary ~ thank god I knew they were in good hands with their dad and thank god they understood how much I loved them and was doing it for all of us. It was hard work, hard to trust but it worked out in the end when after a year life took other turns that allowed me to bring things back to balance. This drastic change was a required measure and the action opened doors, opened eyes, and opened hearts. Perhaps it is true that the bigger the chance and change the more fruitful the reward but every little change gets the ball rolling forward.
Yes there was heartache too. A new beginning that ended. It does not belong here (as in, I do not want to write about it) but it belongs (in my life experience) because those changes, change everything too. New beginnings that end abruptly are also necessary for getting the ball rolling emotionally. Taking chances on love is necessary action too if you really want to grow.
And so my darlings do not stay stuck. Sometimes a marriage does end, and often especially when kids are involved we stay STUCK trying to make a new thing work the old way we were doing it. Change is scary, choosing to show up differently to your kids can feel like more devastating change but one thing I can vouch for 100%…..they want us to move on and be happy so they can too.
One Action can change your entire life and view. No action is a guarantee that you will change so slowly that a Joyful life might just pass you by.
Let Go, Be Love