Mother Of Four

Reset, reset, RESET. The illusion that she could be a lovely, patient and sweet mother was destroyed at the reality of the energy required to keep up to four boys. She had to learn to be “easy on herself” and forgive herself often. She would not be the perfect mom, as though such a thing was even possible. Let Go, Be Love

She was a mother of four beautiful boys/ boy-men. 13years ago she was ragged, tired, and overwhelmed because at that time it was four under five ~ twin babies, a three year old and a five year old. Those hard years were HARD and sweet but mostly HARD. Now she had a better energy to her. The boys had grown and so had she.

When they were little people would ask her “how do you do it, you are so amazing?”. She never felt amazing when they asked. She had made it out the door and that was never easy and so she always answered. “One moment at a time.”

She had to learn that minute to minute was all she could count on. She was never truly able to get four different people to behave, cooperate and be happy. Each day required a lot of running, rescuing, saving lives, crying (everybody), screaming (everybody) and so as the adult she had to have a reset button. We have all heard the expression “one day at a time” her version required the extension one moment at a time. Not “today is a new day” but rather “this is a new moment”.

Reset, reset, RESET. The illusion that she could be a lovely, patient and sweet mother was destroyed at the reality of the energy required to keep up to four boys. She had to learn to be “easy on herself” and forgive herself often. She would not be the perfect mom, as though such a thing was even possible. Let Go, Be Love

She had no rest in these years. Family were 800km away, friends were busy raising their own babies and often were taking advantage of their own support. Her reality was running after toddlers, breastfeeding babies, managing a household (terribly), homeschooling (as they got older), and part time managing/supporting a home based renovation contracting company. Nobody was coming to give her rest, nobody was coming to take care of her AND she had to find a reserve within to keep giving and keep going. She had to dig deep most of the time.

Her husband was tired too and had no true perception of how hard her days were emotionally giving, and keeping everybody alive. When he came home he would mostly be disappointed which would be hard on her too.

Reset, Reset, reset she would look to the moments, beauty and sweetness in between the hard. SHE had the choice to thrive and love or despair and drown. So she talked to herself, gave herself the love. Let Go, Be Love

She sits now in her cozy little house on her couch. Her middle son 16 is laying on the bottom bunk under one of the twins, the other twin is in her big bed (they are 13 now) and big brother (almost 18) is on the couch. Everybody is still sleeping. It is a one bedroom suite near the lake. It is light, bright and it is her sanctuary.

Big brother rarely comes anymore though she is with him on week night activities. This sleeping over is extra special and so she had spoiled them last night. A beach walk at the edge of the city, pizza, ice cream and loads of candy. He plans to move back to where we raised him after grad this Spring and she will miss him terribly.

They make her heart swell. They still push her buttons and it can be very crazy and hard but she can feel them leaving and she only wants to love them better… right until they go. She wants them to fly and always carry Love in their heart. Let Go, Be Love.

She did it and so can you. It might not look flowery and perfect. The details will rarely work out as you had hoped and planned but if you never give up, if you wake up each new day loving yourself and starting over the hard work will pay off.

Never feel that you have failed them. If it requires starting over 45 times in one day and you feel like a disaster just keep going 46, 47, 48 and then sleep and get up and keep counting 49, 50, 365.

Reset. Forgive. Love Better. Say Sorry. Keep going momma. Nobody said it would be easy but one thing I can promise, it will be worth it.

Momma Love, My Four Boys

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